When it all got a bit much…

It’s been my toughest week yet. I know it’s been a while since I’ve posted, but I’m still trying to get into the swing of it all. It’s been 4 weeks since I’ve been back at work, and for a first time new mom…WOW! I don’t think I was prepared for it at all.

Starting back at work scared me, I was nervous being away from my son, placing him in nursery, not hearing from him all day for 3 days in the week. My little shadow was missing, my right arm was missing! Was he eating? Did he nap enough? Was he engaging and playing? I hope he isn’t crying too much…all this going through my mind all day at work. Sound silly? I had major parental separation anxiety.

What I found the most exhausting was trying to be prepared and keeping up with it all. The routine of home-work-nursery has had me twisted and muddled to no end. I’m no perfect mother or woman, but I used to think I was a pretty organised person anyway. My son has just about started sleeping through the majority of the night going to bed at 7:30 and not waking up until 3:30am for his early feed. He then goes back to sleep till 7:30 in the morning. Not all that bad.

But we all know, as mums, we don’t go to sleep at 7:30 now do we? When my son goes down I’m cleaning the kitchen ready for the next day, sorting out my bags and lunch for work, getting my sons bags ready for nursery and his clothes out for the morning. I’m tidying the living room, sorting out laundry, cleaning the bathroom after bath time. Then thinking about my own dinner, shower, and wind down for bed. By the time I’m done with all this…10:30pm!

By the time Sunday had come around I was past myself. My husband worked ridiculous shifts all week last week, leaving home by 8am not getting home till 2am. He was only around for the morning nursery run with everything else left up to me. And lets face it, there’s only so much you can leave for another day which ‘isn’t important’ around the house. The bathroom does need cleaning because your baby has to use it, the kitchen does need to be clean to cook in it and to feed your baby, the laundry does need doing so we have clean clothes! When you have a child you can’t ignore your house and leave it for another day. It all needs to get done.

On the Friday I remember just breaking down. As hard as I had tried to keep my shit together once I got my son off to nursery, no sooner was he out the door that the water works began. I couldn’t help myself, so crying my eyes out I rushed to catch my bus to work. I was even more annoyed at myself for crying on the bloody bus! Oh for Gods sake! I couldn’t even keep it together on the bus! I’m stronger than this! I’ve gone through tougher times than this! So why was this so hard!? It is hard! It’s hard because he is my child. And if I don’t look after him, my own child, who else will?? I love him more than he will ever know and I will always do anything for him, but to constantly be happy around your child and to have a bundle of energy all the time is bloody exhausting. I felt like a balloon stretched to the max about to explode. Emotionally drained, physically exhausted, and to top everything off I had an unexpected visitor – someone I hadn’t seen in 1 year and 10 months – my beautiful (NOT) menstrual cycle! Why thank you mother nature for your impeccable timing! HELLO HORMONES! So on top of having a tough single mom life week, I now had this to deal with!

Anyone tried going to the bathroom to sort yourself out during a heavy day with an 11 month old following you in to keep you company? Oh boy! From keeping 1 foot on the bin so wouldn’t empty it out everywhere, to stopping him from playing with the toilet cleaning brush, to keeping him from climbing all over me – go on, give it a try. Anything else want to happen in my life about now?!?

Well folks, that’s been my crazy few weeks. My adjusting to the new phase of a working mom, with a child in nursery, balancing home and work and family life. I am trying my best to be more organised, to get more balance, to find a flow to keep everything moving like a well oiled machine…well, 1 day at a time eh?

So, until next time! Xoxo

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